Book - Annulments

BOOK - Rebuilding

Tough Questions!

EUA_SadBoy_iStock_000016982366XSmallThat’s a very good question . . . and one that is probably very complex.

It’s not like the doctor can put your parents in an X-ray machine, send their blood to the lab, and then be able to simply say, “Okay. We have the answer. The divorce happened because their red blood cell count was too high!”

A good psychotherapist, a wise and holy spiritual director, and even the Catholic Church can help your parents figure out what happened. But it takes time and they may have to go back to the very beginning of the marriage to see what really happened. None of that is your responsibility but we know you worry, that you may be angry or scared.  Please do ask your parents if they can explain it to you right now. Maybe they can’t because they still have to work on figuring it out. Maybe they are upset and just blaming everything on the other spouse. Maybe they are trying to tell you everything is okay and "it's for the best." We know most of the time it's NOT for the best because God's best is that families stay together.  

Please give it time. Maybe you could say something like:

Mom, Dad, I love you and I know this is difficult for everyone. But some day, (maybe today?) when you really know why this all happened, and you think I am old enough, will you help me better understand?

I'm hurt./angry/scared and no one seems to be asking me what I really feel!  I know that you want me to feel, but maybe I just can't. 

One thing we know is true in every divorce: IT IS NEVER THE KIDS’ FAULT. Even if your parents can’t give you answers right now, they can give you hugs. Go get one.

We don’t know. But what we do know is that regardless of the circumstances, they both love you very much. Sometimes people don’t130315_EXP_child_at_home.jpg.CROP.rectangle3_large know how to express love very well. Maybe they never learned it in their home growing up. Regardless, you have an opportunity to draw close to God, let him fill you with his love, and then you can go and pour that love out on your family. You can certainly get angry, cry, and worry . . . but always talk to at least one of your parents (preferably both!), a trusted adult, and talk to God. Focus on what you need to do each day, stay rested, and have fun when you can. Take a day at a time. And pray that even if they don't get back together that  they find a way to be kind and loving to one another.

We don’t know that either. Maybe they have been trying for a very long time. Maybe one or both of them just don’t know what else to do. Maybe one of your parents is struggling so deeply that they just can’t go one more day. Here are some important things to know:

· God is watching over you all—but he won’t take away anyone’s freedom.

· Your parents will always need your prayers, love, and respect,

· You must share your heart with them whenever you can.

· You must be respectful but honest about how you feel.

· Everyone in the family must pray, be patient, and learn to forgive.

With divorce, change has come. Change will always be part of life, even changes we hate. But God never changes. God’s love and truth and power stay the same. Always go to him when you feel you can go to no one else.

Nobody knows what the future holds. That’s why we all need to draw close to God, let him lead us, and not worry too much.

The Psalmist in the Old Testament wrote a beautiful poem about worrying about the future. He said when life was dark and scary and he could not see what was ahead, that God’s word was “a lamp unto my feet; a light upon my path.” (Psalm 119:105)

When you can’t see the future God will always shine his light just in front of your feet so you don’t trip and fall. Take his hand and trust him.