WHY DID THE DIVORCE HAPPEN?
That’s a very good
question . . . and one that is probably very
It’s not like the doctor can put your parents in an X-ray machine,
send their blood to the lab, and then be able to simply say, “Okay. We have the
answer. The divorce happened because their red blood cell count was too
A good psychotherapist, a wise and holy spiritual director, and even the
Catholic Church can help your parents figure out what happened. But it takes
time and they may have to go back to the very beginning of the marriage to see
what really happened. None of that is your responsibility or worry, but do ask
your parents if they can explain it to you right now. Maybe they can’t because
they still have to work on figuring it out. Maybe they are upset and just
blaming everything on the other spouse. Give it time. Be patient and loving
with them. Maybe you could say something like:
Mom, Dad, I love you and I know this is
difficult for everyone. But some day, when you really know why this all
happened, and you think I am old enough, will you help me better understand?
One thing we know is true in every divorce: IT IS NEVER THE KIDS’ FAULT. Even
if your parents can’t give you answers right now, they can give you hugs. Go
WILL MY PARENTS EVER GET BACK TOGETHER?
We don’t know. But what we do
know is that regardless of the circumstances, they both love you very much.
Sometimes people don’t know how to express love very well. Maybe they never
learned it in their home growing up. Regardless, you have an opportunity to
draw close to God, let him fill you with his
love, and then you can go and pour that love out on your family. You can certainly get angry, cry, and worry .
. . but always talk to at least one of your parents (preferably both!), a
trusted adult, and talk to God. Focus on what you need to do each day, stay
rested, and have fun when you can. Take a day at a time. And pray that even if they don't get back together that they find a way to be kind and loving to one another.
WHY CAN'T MY PARENTS JUST WORK THINGS OUT?
We don’t know that either. Maybe they have been trying for a very long
time. Maybe one or both of them just don’t know what else to do. Maybe one of
your parents is struggling so deeply that they just can’t go one more day. Here are some important things to know:
· God is watching over you all—but he
won’t take away anyone’s freedom.
· Your parents will always need your
prayers, love, and respect,
· You must share your heart with them
whenever you can.
· You must be respectful but honest about
how you feel.
· Everyone in the family must pray, be
patient, and learn to forgive.
With divorce, change has come. Change will always be part of life, even changes
we hate. But God never changes. God’s
love and truth and power stay the same. Always go to him when you feel you can
go to no one else.
WHAT WILL MY FUTURE LOOK LIKE?
Nobody knows what the future holds. That’s why we all need to draw close to
God, let him lead us, and not worry too much.
The Psalmist in the Old Testament
wrote a beautiful poem about worrying about the future. He said when life was
dark and scary and he could not see what was ahead, that God’s word was “a lamp
unto my feet; a light upon my path.” (Psalm 119:105)
When you can’t see the future God will always
shine his light just in front of your feet so you don’t trip and fall. Take his
hand and trust him.